lykanthrophobia
by earthenkynder
Summary: snape has a nasty neville-caused accident with lupin that reminds him of his past. rated pg-13 for very mild swearing (just wanted to be safe), and could possibly become slash, so be warned. enjoy, and please r/r.
1. Prologue

title: lykanthrophobia

by: earthenkynder

rating: pg-13, for some really light swearing in the beginning, i just want to be safe. 

disclaimer: all these characters belong to the goddess j.k. rowling. if they were mine, i wouldn't be sharing them with you ;)

a/n: i know that this will be a snape/lupin fic eventually (sorry if that squicks you, but consider yourself warned) but i'm not exactly sure where it's going. i couldn't find an actual phobia of werewolves, but the original phobias came from greek, so i just made one up using a greek-english dictionary. anyway, enjoy, and please r&r.

~*~*~*~

prologue

october, 1977

Severus sat at the head of his bead with his arms wrapped around his drawn up legs. Despite the pleasant temperature of the dungeons in early autumn months, Severus was trembling uncontrollably. Though there were no windows in the Slytherin dormitories, he knew that there was a full moon out tonight. Sitting there shivering in the pitch darkness, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to the events of the past month. 

~*~

_Feet pounding the ground, breath coming short, racing through the narrow tunnel with hell coming up behind him. He could hear the thing's light footfalls, smell it's musk fill the air, feel the heat radiating from the hellhound behind him. _

Small whimpers escaped his mouth, and he ran through the utter blackness of the tunnel with his arms held out in front of him, praying he could find the end. But then, this _is_ the end, isn't it? I'm never going to make it out. I'm going to die, right here, ripped to bits… _He ran faster. And he thought he could almost feel the tunnel stretching, making itself longer to mock him, when…_

"Oomph!" He had tripped on something, perhaps a root. But that didn't matter, because the thing had caught him, he could feel it looming above him, it's stale breath washing over him…

"Stupefy!" And it was gone, with a howl and a thump some distance away, and he was safe. Then strong hands grabbing him by the arms, lifting him, and he noticed for the first time the moonlight streaming from the opening he was being lifted through. And he was out, and the dark haired boy who had saved him was dragging him away, and the chubby blonde pressing a stick into the tree let go and ran. The willow caught him on the backside with one of it's whip-like vines, and he squeaked and scampered away from it. Leaning against the castle wall in the distance, he could make out a dark form with long black hair and a scowling face. But none of it mattered. The second James let go of him he had collapsed. Completely. Into a sobbing, trembling ball of cold, clammy skin; dark, sweat soaked hair; and black robes.

*

"Why?"

"Severus…"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus paused, so obviously struggling with his words. "Severus, I never meant for that to-"

"WHY?" he roared. The entire hall hesitated, their breakfasts temporarily forgotten. Remus looked around, stood, and walked out of the Great Hall, Severus following closely behind. Once they were out and a considerable distance down the halls, Severus stepped in front of Remus, and maneuvered so that he had him pinned against the wall without actually touching him. He leaned in and whispered quietly in Remus's ear "Why didn't you tell me?" 

Remus's breath caught in his throat, and he slowly replied "I didn't actually tell anyone…"

"You told Potter. And Black. And Pettigrew. Why not me?"

"They found out on their own-"

"I thought we were best friends. I thought we shared everything. There's not one thing about me you don't know, and I thought I knew everything about you, too. Ha. Guess I was wrong."

"Severus, please…" Remus pleaded, and whined softly, a sound that Snape, in all their years of friendship, had never heard him make.

Snape's eyes widened, and he took a step back, his breath coming quicker. That sound…he could almost smell a feral musk hanging in the air, feel a presence looming behind him, it's breath on his back…

"Severus?"

"Don't…"

Remus reached out to steady the pale boy in front of him, who was getting rapidly paler.

"Don't touch me!" Severus screeched, jumping away from his friend's hand. "Stay away from me!"

"Severus…"

"Don't ever, ever come near me again…" Severus was backing up very quickly. "You're filthy. I hate you."

Remus froze, his best friend's words ringing in his ears. You're filthy. I hate you. You're filthy…

__

Severus took this opportunity to bolt, running down the hallway towards the dungeons.

Remus slowly stumbled backwards until his back thumped against the wall. Sliding down to the floor, his mind raced. Most people thought that James was his best friend. Others thought it was Sirius. But they were wrong. Severus. Severus was his other half. Without him… without Severus… _Tears slid silently down Remus's face as he buried it in his hands, sobbing quietly in the corridor until breakfast was finished, and people streamed past him, whispering and pointing. He didn't care. He didn't move until the halls had emptied and Professor Dumbledore came and, with an unusual show of strength, picked up the still sobbing Remus in his arms and carried him to his office for tea and a very long talk._

~*~

Severus shivered and drew his legs up tighter. It was a full moon tonight. And if he listened very closely, he thought he could hear a wolf howling in the distance…


	2. I

title: lykanthrophobia

by: earthenkynder

rating: pg-13, for some really light swearing in the beginning, i just want to be safe. 

disclaimer: all these characters belong to the goddess j.k. rowling. if they were mine, i wouldn't be sharing them with you ;)

a/n: i know that this will be a snape/lupin fic eventually (sorry if that squicks you, but consider yourself warned) but i'm not exactly sure where it's going. i couldn't find an actual phobia of werewolves, but the original phobias came from greek, so i just made one up using a greek-english dictionary. anyway, enjoy, and please r&r.

~*~*~*~

ch. 1

5th year

Professor Snape swept along the hallway, a potion-filled goblet in his hand, his black robes billowing out behind him. _First Albus lets that damned werewolf back into the school, and now he expects me to start researching a cure for him, all while continuing to make his bloody lycanthropy potion! _He scowled at the thought, and some little Ravenclaw first-years who had been gathered in the hallway scattered as he swept past them.

He reached the door to the DADA room. Rapping on it sharply, he called out "Lupin? Are you in there?"

"One moment," Lupin's voice called back. Snape heard a shuffling coming towards the door, and a second later the door opened to reveal Lupin's tired but smiling face, and behind him, Neville Longbottom, waving his wand around and practising counter curses.

"Severus," Lupin greeted him warmly. "We were just in the middle of a tutoring session," he explained unnessecarily, stepping back to allow Snape to enter the room. 

"Do you realise what time it is?" Snape growled, motioning to the window.

"Oh, dear. I'm afraid I hadn't," Lupin said faintly as he glimpsed the dusk which had fallen, a shadow passing over his face. He turned to Neville, who had gone pale as soon as Snape had entered the room. "Well, then, I'm a bit late for something, we'll have finish this tomorrow," he said, smiling kindly at the boy.

Neville nodded jerkily, his eyes occasionally darting to where Snape stood glowering at him. Unfortunately, his nervousness caused him to take twice as long as he normally would have in gathering up his things. Snape grew more and more impatient as Neville dropped his books four times before getting them in a pile, then slipped on his wand, which had rolled off the table, and proceeded to drop the books a fifth time. And it didn't help Snape's patience that Lupin was growing paler at an alarming rate, starting to clutch at his stomach in pain.

Neville finally got himself collected, and was hurrying to the door when Lupin began involuntarily grinding his teeth. "Professor, are you alright?" Neville asked timidly.

"He's fine," Snape, who was getting a bit frantic by now, growled. "Now get out."

Neville's eyes widened, and in his haste to comply, he tripped over his own two feet. He cried out when he fell, and as his wand-hand hit the ground, a bright red spark flew out of the end. It hit the closest wall and ricocheted off, bouncing around the room at a blinding speed, until finally striking Snape's hand, causing him to cry out in pain and drop the goblet he was holding. Lupin, despite the painful convulsions he was having, froze as the potion in the goblet splashed out onto the floor. Standing beside him, clutching his hand in pain, Snape also froze, becoming a horridly pale colour. Emitting a tiny squeak, Neville left his books and, fearing Snape's wrath, scrambled out the door, kicking it shut as he got into the hallway. Snape and Lupin looked at each other with dawning horror. There was a fear in Lupin's eyes as he backed away from Snape that made Snape's own fear seem almost insignificant. But as Lupin's face began to elongate and grow into a muzzle, Snape's terror grew, too.

The rest of the transformation was relatively quick. Snape didn't want to attract the werewolf's attention, but he couldn't help but whimper slightly as he slowly backed towards the door. _Don't run, don't run, don't run…_ he knew that it would only make him seem like prey to the pain-stricken werewolf, but ever since his 6th year, he had had a not-so-inexplicable fear of werewolves. He at least had the presence of mind to pull his wand out of his robes, gripping it tightly in his hand.

Unfortunately, the Lupin-wolf was quite aware of Snape's presence, and leapt at him with a terrible howl. Snape darted backwards, raising his wand at the same time, but it was knocked out of his hand by the lunging wolf, and Snape was sent to the ground, sprawled on the floor with the Lupin-wolf pinning him down. Snape froze, his breath knocked out of him, too afraid to move, and the werewolf took the opportunity to dart his muzzle down towards Snape's jugular. Snape snapped out of his trance , and pulled his head out of the way just in time. The wolf missed his neck, but the sharp fangs plunged into Snape's shoulder. Snape screamed at the intense pain, and was suddenly overcome with a strange burning, stinging sensation that coursed through him.

Through the rushing sound filling his ears, he could hear the door slamming open, a few people shrieking, and a shouted curse of some sort. He instantly felt the wolf's weight lifted off of him, and a dull thud from the other side of the room was the last thing he heard before he blacked out.


	3. II

title: lykanthrophobia

by: earthenkynder

rating: pg-13, for some really light swearing in the first chapter, i just want to be safe. 

disclaimer: all these characters belong to the goddess j.k. rowling. if they were mine, i wouldn't be sharing them with you ;)

a/n: i know that this will be a snape/lupin fic eventually (sorry if that squicks you, but consider yourself warned) but i'm not exactly sure where it's going. i couldn't find an actual phobia of werewolves, but the original phobias came from greek, so i just made one up using a greek-english dictionary. anyway, enjoy, and please r&r.

~*~*~*~

ch. 2 

When Snape woke, the ceiling of the infirmary was spinning round and round before becoming very hazy. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, Snape fought of a wave of nausea, and slowly opened his eyes again. The room wasn't spinning this time, and as the world came back into focus, he slowly turned his head and saw Dumbledore slumped in a chair beside the bed, with his chin resting on his chest. 

Snape went to sit up, but cried out as a fierce pain lanced through his shoulder and down his arm, and he fell back onto his pillow. Upon hearing his cry, Madam Pomfrey came rushing into the room at the same time that Dumbledore woke up.

"Now, now," she clucked at him as she bustled about his bed, picking up a tall blue bottle labeled simply as "painkiller" that had been sitting on the bedside table and pouring the contents into a small measuring cup. "You just stay right where you are. Now drink this," she commanded, holding the measuring cup to his lips. Having no real say in the matter, Snape opened his mouth and immediately started to gag as the foul tasting stuff oozed into his mouth. "Oh, stop that, you'll make it worse. Just gulp it down and you won't taste it as much." Snape tried this, and could taste very little difference. After poisoning him, Poppy grabbed another bottle, this one red, off the table and started shaking it vigorously. Snape turned his head the other way and regarded the headmaster blearily. "What happened?" he croaked. 

"You mean you don't remember?" Dumbledore asked, and though he didn't let it show, he felt somewhat dismayed. _I hope he didn't hit his head too hard on that floor. It will be bad enough already dealing with what has happened, but if he can't even remember, I don't want to be the one to tell him._ He sighed. "Severus, do you remember who was with you when you were knocked unconscious?"

Snape narrowed his eyes, trying to remember, but his head hurt too much_. So much for your painkiller, Poppy_, he thought bitterly, although he had to admit that the pain in his shoulder had gone down. _Shoulder, shoulder… that should mean something_…

Madam Pomfrey had finished shaking the bottle and uncorked it, setting the stopper on the table. "Alright, now," Poppy said gently as she reached to undo the bandages on his shoulder. Instinctively, he jerked back, and as he sat up, his shoulder began throbbing and the sheets on the bed fell to his waist, leaving his bare upper body exposed to the cold night air that permeated the castle. As he began to shiver he curled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them as well he could, being so sore and all. 

"Come now, this may sting a bit, but…" as Poppy reached for him his lip curled up and, baring his teeth, he growled deep in his throat, a sound that he shouldn't have been able to make. Madam Pomfrey immediately backed off, and as Severus realised what he was doing, the growl was choked off immediately, his snarl replaced by a rather numb expression of confusion and dismay. Then a little spark went off in his head, you could see it in his eyes, and he began to rip the bandages off his left shoulder, oblivious to the pain he was causing himself. Both Albus and Poppy watched him with a reserved trepidation.

As the last of the bandages were ripped away, Severus's movements were halted by the shock of what he saw. Bright, angry-looking, red puncture wounds marked his shoulder, forming a perfect imprint of what had to be a rather large set of teeth. Looking down at his wound, the nagging feeling that had been plaguing him was replaced with a sudden reality, hitting him like a cauldron that had been swung at his head. He gasped as images played through his head, of Neville scrambling out of the room, of Lupin transforming, and then a wolf leaping at him…

He looked up at the headmaster, his gaunt face almost pleading with Albus, his eyes shining with unshed tears, much to his dismay.

The headmaster took a deep breath and slowly began. "Severus, you were in the room when Remus transformed. He lost himself to the wolf and attacked you. Bit you. We have tried everything to get rid of the bite mark, but there's nothing…nothing we can do…"

"What do you mean?" Snape asked in a rather high voice, like a child's, no louder than a whisper.

"Severus, that bite has transmitted lycanthropy to you. You are now a werewolf."

As his unshed tears streamed down his face, Severus threw his head back and howled.


	4. III

title: lykanthrophobia

by: earthenkynder

rating: pg-13, for some really light swearing in the first chapter, i just want to be safe. 

disclaimer: all these characters belong to the goddess j.k. rowling. if they were mine, i wouldn't be sharing them with you ;)

a/n: i know that this will be a snape/lupin fic eventually (sorry if that squicks you, but consider yourself warned) but i'm not exactly sure where it's going. i couldn't find an actual phobia of werewolves, but the original phobias came from greek, so i just made one up using a greek-english dictionary. anyway, enjoy, and please r&r.

~*~*~*~

ch. 3

Severus lay in his bed in the dungeons, curled into a ball and facing away from the door. He clutched the covers around him as a tremor shook his slim frame. After he had had sufficient time to recover from the shock, he had been moved down to his room in the dungeons. His tears had long since dried on his face, but harsh sobs and whimpers still racked his body, tearing themselves from his raw throat. 

_"I know you must be devastated Severus, but there is nothing we can do. Right now you just need rest." _Madam Pomfrey had told him as she conjured a stretcher to take him to his rooms.

_Rest. Of course. That will make it all better. Make everything better… _Snape's thoughts were drifting a bit into delirium. They were brought back to reality by a soft rapping on the door.

"Who is it?" Snape croaked.

"It's Albus, may I come in?" Dumbledore called through the door.

Snape fumbled around the bedside table for his wand, and after three bad aims and twice not having enough voice to recite the charm properly, he managed to unlock the door to let Dumbledore in.

As Snape lay his wand back on he table, Dumbledore walked into the room and somehow managed to make himself comfortable in a very uncomfortable chair in the corner. "How are feeling?" he asked kindly.

"I was just attacked and bitten by a werewolf. How would you feel?" Snape rasped out.

"Understandable," was Dumbledore's only response. There was a heavy pause, until Dumbledore spoke again. "Severus, I know that you don't want to hear this," he paused as Snape eyed him wearily, his hair and eyes the only parts of him visible from under the covers he was wrapped in so tightly. "I know you don't want to hear this, but Remu--"

"What about the bastard?" Snape cut him off. 

Dumbledore continued as if there had been no interruption. "Remus is awake now, he realised what he did last night, and is frantic." He paused again, but the two eyes glaring at him didn't protest any further. "He's been going out of his mind all day. Howling and crying and ripping apart the room. We had to give him a pretty heavy dose of sedatives just to keep him from ripping _himself _apart."

"Let him," the eyes from under the covers growled.

_Nothing is ever that easy, is it? _Dumbledore thought to himself. "Severus, please talk to him. Please. I'm not even saying that you have to be civil, because I know you won't be. Just _talk to him_."

The eyes simply glared at him.

"Can I assume that is the closest thing to a yes that I will get?" Dumbledore questioned.

Glare.

*Sigh* "I'll leave so you can get dressed." Dumbledore got up and walked to the door, pausing as he turned the handle. He turned back and asked "_Can_ you get dressed?"

This time Snape poked his whole head out from under the covers and replied indignantly "Albus, I have been dressing myself since I was four years old, I don't see why I should be having any problems now."

Dumbledore just sighed again and exited the room, leaving Severus to get tangled in the covers, fall out of the bed, and stumble clumsily around the room until he was dressed in his usual black robes.

__

~*~

The walk up to Lupin's chambers, which was situated near Gryffindor tower, was a tense one. Albus had to make sure that he was walking slowly, as Severus had a limp from the attack. Pain was reflected in Severus's face, his teeth tightly clenched and his the muscle in his cheek twitching occasionally, his eyes slitted against the light. As they climbed the stairs, nearing their destination, Albus glanced over at Severus. Taking in the younger man's appearance, he held out his hand to stop him as they reached the door to Lupin's chambers.

"Severus," Albus said lightly, "I am not going to ask you to be gentle. But please, try not to hurt him too badly."

"You mean like he was _gentle_ with me?" Snape snarled back, having no patience for the older man's pity.

With that, Albus simply walked up to the door and rapped on it twice. "Remus," he called through the door, "I'm here with company."

"Come in," called back a tired and rather edgy sounding voice.

Albus unlocked the door and held it open for Severus. Once Snape had walked inside, he closed it and locked it once more, and slowly headed back to his office.

~*~

a/n: sorry, i know these chapters are really short. hopefully my muse will start giving me bigger chunks of idea to work with. 


	5. IV - Remus's POV

title: lykanthrophobia

by: earthenkynder

rating: pg-13. this chapter has a bit more swearing in it, nothing too bad.

disclaimer: all these characters belong to the goddess j.k. rowling. if they were mine, i wouldn't be sharing them with you ;)

a/n: _*GO CHECK THE FIRST CHAPTER!!!* _i have added a prologue, which you will need to read. Other than that, the chapters are the same. remember, this will soon be slash, as this chapter is starting to show just a bit. any flames concerning this will be used to cook marshmallows. there is some rather odd behaviour in this chapter, which will be explained in the next one when i do Sev's POV. 

~*~*~*~

As the door clicked open and Severus walked in, Remus looked up from his pacing in front of the fireplace. Seeing who it was, Remus whimpered and rushed towards him. Seeing Snape's eyes widen and posture tense, seeing how he, too, whimpered, a sound so much like his own, seeing him take a step back and almost cower against the wall; it brought Remus up short, and he stopped about six feet from Severus, who had continued whimpering as Remus approached him. Now, as Remus stood in front of a trembling Snape, he whined pitifully, watching his old friend's eyes begin to tear up.

Remus was stricken with grief for what he had done to Severus, but a small part of him couldn't help musing at the situation. _This is the most feared teacher there is, the scourge of Hogwarts. And here he is, trembling, crying, and cowering against the wall. Because of one man. Me. I did this to him_. A new wave of whimpers escaped from Remus. To see Severus like this was terrifying, earth shattering, and wholly demoralizing. Even the greasy-haired, ill-tempered, quick-witted, ice cold, ex-Death Eater, and spy for Dumbledore, Severus Snape, could be reduced to this. _Gods, what have I done?_

Remus fell to his knees before Snape, and bowed his head so that it was almost touching the ground. His shaggy hair drooped forward and exposed the back of his neck. At this gesture, Severus's eyes dried, but Remus couldn't see it. Once he had left his head bowed for a moment, he slowly put his arms on the ground in front of him, and rolled onto his back. He stretched out, legs slightly spread. His stomach vulnerable, and his arms out to the sides, leaving his chest exposed. His head lay at Snape's feet, and he arched his neck, fully exposing the tender flesh. He had fully submitted to Snape, and he lay waiting for the punishment he knew he deserved. Seconds ticked by as he lay there, waiting, waiting… he hadn't even heard the other man move, and had to force himself not to start as he felt Snape's long hair brush against his face and collarbone. He could feel the other man's breath on his neck, and a moment later he felt Severus's teeth dig into the yielding flesh. Not viciously, but hard enough to draw blood. Remus's neck soon shone bright red, and Severus greedily licked at the actual bite once it was sealed, gently, almost tenderly, his saliva helping it heal faster. Remus still lay exposed on the floor when he felt Snape move away from him. Then suddenly two strong hands grabbed him by the lapels and hauled him up so that his feet no longer touched the ground, and shoved him up against the wall. Remus had remained blind throughout, but as the sharp stone of the wall dug into his back, and Severus's hot breath blew across his face, his eyes flew open. He had expected to see Snape's enraged and feral visage looming over him (for even when hoisted off his feet, he was still a good few inches shorter than Severus) but the face in front of his now was pained, full of so much anguish. Snape's teeth were bared in a horrible grimace as he tried not to whimper, and tears trickled down his face, despite the obvious effort to keep them in.

"Why?" Snape choked out, a sob breaking loose from him as Remus was reminded of a time so long ago, the last time he and Severus had been friends. "Why did it have to be me?"

Remus felt as though his heart was shattering.

Snape pressed him harder into the wall, his eyes wide, and the pupils dilated. "You bastard!" he hissed through clenched teeth. "You stupid son of a bitch!" Severus was shouting now, and as more obscenities poured from his mouth, he drew his hand back, and holding the other wolf with one hand, hit him across the face. Remus's head snapped to the side as blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. The screaming and the physical abuse continued, and Remus made no move to stop it, despite the fact that his face was now a bloody mess. Finally the shouting stopped, and although the punches kept coming, they now lacked the power to do much more damage. Soon the weak punches stopped, too, and as Snape dropped Lupin to his feet, he collapsed against the other wolf and began sobbing and weeping and howling, until his sobs tapered off into whimpers. Lupin's arms had encircled him as soon as he was dropped, partially because he would have fallen otherwise, dizzy from the abuse, and partially because Severus's grief-wracked form was sobbing against him. He slowly stroked Severus's hair as Severus's fingers wound into his robes, grasping desperately at the worn fabric. And as Severus ran out of tears to shed, Remus lowered his head and gently licked the remaining tears off of Severus's face, his tongue playing over the contours of Snape's puffy eyes, high cheekbones, aquiline nose, and stern mouth. Once Remus finished, he pulled Severus's head down to rest on his shoulder, still stroking the man's dark hair. Snape's fingers unclenched from Remus's old robes, and hesitantly went around the smaller man's waist, as Remus's free hand wrapped around his. They stood like this for a very long time, until Snape uttered a single phrase.

"I'm scared."


End file.
